Roads by Sheryl

Chapter 9

Taylor tossed and turned. unaware that a dream had taken over and he mumbled aloud as the scene played out in his plagued mind.

Lying in his own bed unable to sleep.
Pure torture.
Sitting up, near tears.
Standing in darkness. Cold tile, cold floor, switching from one foot to the other rooting through the medicine cabinet...
Dropping one more tablet from the bottle into his palm. When had he opened it? Where had it come from?
So cold. Why was he so cold?
Setting the bottle on the counter, clutching the two pills in his hand.

"What in the hell are you doing?"
That voice, slow and distorted, coming from out of nowhere. Startling... nearly dropping the whole bottle on the floor.
His father standing in the doorway...
Sudden light. Cold, still so cold...

Eyes shut, can't block the glare. In the few seconds his eyes were closed, feeling his father advance on him, bright stars danced in front of his eyes. Shake them away... only making himself dizzy.
Again the question. Again the voice, garbled, loud and deep, the words dragging grotesquely.
Trying to speak, but nothing coming out. No voice... Why couldn't he speak? Why couldn't he see? Clearing vision, anger in his father's face.
"You take any?"
God that voice! Why didn't it stop?
Slowly backing away. Hands grabbing him by the wrists, grabbing the bottle still held in his fist and slamming it onto the counter top. Pulling... hard on his wrists pain stabbing him from all over. His dad... shaking him, hard.

People. Now there were people here, everywhere, mom, Jessie, Avie, Zac, Ike, even Mackie... Why were they here?
"Leave, you have to leave!" But he had no voice. No voice, nobody was hearing him. His mother, his mother right there.
Desperately clawing the air, with bloodied hands, trying to reach her. She steps toward him, reaching, but Isaac in the way, stopping her, breaking his heart. His own brother betraying him, pointing to the brown bottle on the counter top. The label. The label. Watching his mother's face fall. Crying out as she backs off and lets his father continue to man handle him.

Taylor's hands balled fists, so tight. Thin streams of blood flowing down his clenched palms. Is this why his hands are bloody? Why are his hands bloody?
Walker. Rage. Taking Taylor's hands and slamming them as hard as he can on the counter top.
Taylor screaming... White pills falling hitting the floor.
Tears, immense pain, Isaac looking at him wide eyed. Helpless in his father's grasp as Isaac steps into the bathroom, picks up the pills and stands by his father, his eyes flaming.
"You coward."

Taylor prayed that he was finally sleeping and that this was all a nightmare, although, no matter how hard he tried to shake himself awake he couldn't.

It hurts so bad. Isaac staring him down. He can't tell them.
"Nononono, dad, please stop. It hurts, it hurts. I'm sorry, I only wanted to sleep, dad. I only wanted to sleep. Only wanted to sleep a little, I swear."
No voice, why can't he speak? Why can't they hear him? Wake up. Please wake up.
"Let me go! Let me go!" Screaming silence...
Why? Why are you looking at me like that, Ike?
Screaming in his head. "Nononono, please don't look at me like that. Please."
His own brother, his best friend, the sole bearer of every secret ever shared, the person he looks up to most, calls him a coward. Tears flowing harder. Averting his eyes. Look of disgust in Isaac's face. The doorway, Zac, his mom, everyone there. Eyes meeting Zac's, saw him mouth the words "I hate you."
God no, not Zac, not Zac.
A dream. A dream, it must be. God, please, have to wake up.

People now, strangers, a sea of strangers, faceless, they have no faces!!
Hands reaching out, grabbing him, chains, chains digging into his wrists.
"Sending you away, Taylor, taking you away."
"You're gone Taylor, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, never again, never never never again."
Screaming, screaming...
"None of you are real!!!! This is a FUCKING nightmare!!!!!!"
Crash of a fist in his face, hitting the floor, hitting the floor, falling, falling, how many times could he fall? That voice, that voice all around him.
"Get up. Taylor!! Get up!!! Taylor..."
Hands grabbing him, holding him, "Let me go!!!" Fighting, pushing at the hands, have to get away... "Get off me!!!"
Scrambling out of the bed, how did he get in bed? Where are they all?
Something tugging on his foot, falling...
"TAYLOR!!! WAKE UP!!!" The shout brought him the rest of the way up, as arms caught him, breaking his fall. "Taylor! Wake up! It's a dream! It's just me!"

Taylor grabbed desperately for balance, nails digging into the arms that held him, heart racing, gasping for air. What was happening? It took only a few seconds to register that he was awake, that he had been dreaming.
The arms had pulled him up onto the bed again, and were holding him tightly. Twisting around, he looked up into the face of his father.
Still partly gripped by the dream, Taylor saw his father's face, and felt his heart lurch in his chest. Panic took over, and he was scrambling backward, twisting out of Walker's grasp.
Walker let him go immediately, not wanting to risk hurting him, but quickly got up and shut the door. He didn't want they boy running out of the room, to possibly fall down the stairs. He sat quietly, watching his son, who was backed up against the far wall, face wary and frightened. When he saw confusion begin to replace fear, he spoke, quietly.
"Tay, it was a dream. It's okay. Would you like to come sit down, now?"
Taylor only blinked at him, the reality of his surroundings not completely replacing the reality of the dream. Walker tried again, careful not to raise his voice, or move quickly.
"Tay, whatever it was, it's over. You're okay."
He watched as Taylor backed the rest of the way up to the wall, then slid down it, coming to rest on the floor, head on knees. He looked up, once, glanced at his dad, his expression miserable beyond words. He shrugged helplessly, and dropped his head back onto his crossed arms.
Walker, realizing that the boy was finally awake, moved closer.
"Tay, you okay?"
Taylor sighed. "Yeah. I'm losing my mind, but I'm okay."
Walker sat down on the floor next to him.
"You think you're losing your mind?"
Taylor gazed at him, staring into his eyes. Walker had the disconcerting feeling that his son was staring into his soul.
"Want to tell me about it, Tay?"
Taylor sighed. More than anything, he did want to talk. The dream had shaken him badly, and he needed someone to tell him things were okay.
He nodded, slightly. "Yeah. But I can't, not now. I just feel..." He stopped, the words clogging in his throat. "I feel like the walls are closing in. It's like I can't breathe."
The sound of his sister's voice wafted in, past the closed door, and the dream flashed back at him. They'd all be staring at him. They'd all be accusing him. He felt his nerves firing up again, and clutched at his dad.
"I have to get out of here. I don't know what to do." He hated the tears that threatened, he didn't want to cry in front of his dad. He rubbed fiercely at his eyes, furious with himself. "I have to get out of here. Can we go somewhere? Can you just get me out of here? Before I go crazy?"
Walker watched him for a moment, then stood, extending his hand to his son.
"Come on, lets go"
"Where?"
"Anywhere. Out of here."
Taylor's eyes searched his for a very long moment, perhaps looking for some sign that he could trust him, before nodding, and reaching for his father's hand.

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