Time Goes On
by Chelle

~ CHAPTER 18 ~

"Zac, we need to talk. There's some things I need to ask you about." I said as I put the dishes in the dishwasher after we'd had dinner. He followed me into the living room and replied "Good. Cause there's some things I want to ask you about too."
As we sat on the couch I saw his faint smile and knew what was coming. I decided that would be a good way to bring Courtney up... let him ask about the conversation that had taken place between Ike and me that day.
I sighed and said "Ok. You go first." He leaned back and crossed his arms. Taking a deep breath, he looked over at me and said "I want to know what happened today. What was Ike yelling about?"
I glanced at him and said "He was telling me some stuff about your past relationships and honestly, he wanted to know why I was still seeing you." I looked down at my hands and waited for his reply. He was quiet and wasn't moving. I looked up at him and he had a confused and worried expression. He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. "What did he say?" he asked without looking at me. He just looked down and I could see anger slowly building. I knew his reaction would be determined by the answer I gave to his question. My stomach tightened and I felt a chill go down my back. "He... Ike and your mom... they told me... they told me about... um..." I stumbled over the words as he glared at me. "What? What did they tell you about?" he asked finally. His voice was quiet and raspy, almost as if he already knew the answer. "They... Zac," I sighed deeply, closing my eyes, "Zac, I know about Courtney."
His face lost it's color as his interlaced fingers turned a pale white in his grip. His teeth clenched and his eyes held what can only be called a death glare... angry and his actions unpredictable.
I got up and walked into my room to get the envelope. As I turned away from my dresser he was standing by the door. His chest moved with his heavy breaths and his hands almost trembled. His eyes squinted when he noticed the envelope.
"What's that?" he asked." I handed him the envelope and sat on the end of my bed. He moved over to the bed and sat on the side. I watched, scared and anxious, as he opened it and began to read bits of the letters and notes and flipped through the pictures. "Where did you get these?" he asked through clenched teeth and he once again gave me that glare. "I... uh... I got them from your mom and Ike." I began to twist the sheet around my finger as I noticed him standing up. My heart and mind began to race as I sat wondering what he was going to do. He started pacing back and forth, glancing down at the photos that lay on the bed.
"Zac," I said standing up, "Please don't be mad. I know you didn't meant to do this but I need to know what happened. What did she do? Did you catch her cheating or something? Were you dru..." I suddenly saw his hand raise and felt a blow to the side of my face that knocked me down on the bed. I cried out as a sharp pain built around my cheek, but before I could even look up, I was jerked up and slammed against the wall. Just as my eyes began to open I saw the back of his hand come toward me and his knuckles connected with my lip. "Zac! Please stop! ...No Zac! ...Please don't! ...stop!" I cried but he was in a rage like I never knew could be felt by a person. He slapped me as blood gushed from my lip. My words fell on deaf ears as I tried to beg and plead with him. He threw me across the room where my arm hit the edge of my dresser and then I saw him coming toward me.I tried to move away but it was useless. "Zac! ...please... I'm sorry..." I continued to beg him to stop but he grabbed my arms and pushed me so hard against the wall I thought my arms would break. He was so strong and he pressed his body against me as our eyes met.
His eyes were glazed over and his breathing was heavy. He held me tight and talked in a low voice but his teeth were clenched. "Melissa, I have loved you and taken care of you all this time. Why couldn't you just let it go? I told you how I felt about her. You just had to know the details didn't you. God, you are one of a kind you know. Anybody else would have forgotten about it but not you. I have done nothing..."I closed my eyes as the pain worsened and quickly learned that was a mistake.
His hand gripped hard on my jaw as he forced my head up screaming "GOD DAMMIT LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!" I winced in pain but looked at him as he once again talked in a soft voice through clenched teeth "I have done nothing to have that shit thrown in my face. Courtney..." he paused and looked down for a moment, as if her name brought on new anger, then he continued as he glared at me. "Courtney, she was nothing more than a worthless bitch who did nothing but provoke me into doing all of that. And you know something, you are becoming just like her."
I looked down as tears began to fall.He quickly jerked my head back up and screamed "WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST TELL YOU?! YOU STUPID BITCH, I SAID LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!!" I cringed at his words and the loudness of his voice. His face was no more than 4-5 inches from mine. "I wanted nothing more than to wrap my hands around her neck..." he said as his hand slid over to my throat and I whispered "Please. Zac, don't please." as I felt his fingers tighten. He leaned closer to my ear and continued just above a whisper... my pleading seemingly unheard. "Oh God, I just wanted to get my hands around her neck and watch the life slowly come out of her. I wanted to hear her beg me not to kill her." I looked down with a painful cry as tears escaped my eyes. I suddenly realized my mistake and turned back to face him.It was too late though and once again his hand raised and fell, connecting with the other side of face. I fell to the floor and was pulled up by my wrist and thrown into the entertainment center. My face hit the sharp corner and I felt blood run down the side of face and onto my neck. I heard him yelling and pacing back and forth as I slid down and laid on the floor. I was only able to catch a bit of what he was saying. "Why did you have to know about her...? Why can't you love me like I love you... Why do you have to make me do this... God dammit, Melissa, I love you. Can't you understand... I wanted to forget the past and start over with you, but you just wouldn't let me... Hell, I wasn't gonna fuck up with you too."
He came to where I was sitting on the floor. He grabbed my wrist so tight I felt my skin burn in his grip. "Why couldn't you let me start over with you?" he asked shakily. I glanced up and saw that tears were in his eyes. "I... I'm... s-sorry... Za... Zac... I... I didn't mea.. mean.. t-to." I replied through my own tears as I trembled in his grasp. I was beginning to feel dizzy and weak. His hand slowly came up and his finger wiped a tear that fell down my cheek. His tears became more apparent and he wiped his eyes with the back of his hand as he stood up and turned away. "Go get cleaned up," he said softly with a sniffle. His back was toward me and I could see his muscles tense as he fought not to break down.
I winced in pain as I slowly stood up and walked into the bathroom. I sat on the side of the tub and cried for at least 30 minutes before having the courage to look in the mirror. I stood, bracing myself on the sink and slowly raised my head. There was a stream of blood from a small cut on the side of my forehead that ran down onto my neck. Blood dripped from a cut in the corner of my bottom lip from his knuckle. My face had started swelling and becoming discolored. I pulled off my shirt. My back ached and already was getting a bruise, as was my arms and shoulder. My neck was red and my eyes were bloodshot and puffy. I was in so much pain and continued to cry as I washed my face.
I heard the phone ring as I finished washing up. I turned off the water and listened closely. "Hello?" he answered. "Yeah, hi mom... No I'm gonna be leaving in a bit... Ok... No we're fine..." I started crying again at the words. "Ok, see you then... love you too... ok. Bye." I heard him hang the phone up and I walked out. He was sitting on the bed. I reached into my dresser drawer and pulled out a shirt. I pulled it on and sat down in the chair.
For the first time, he looked at me. He stood up and walked over to me and gently took my hands as he got on his knees in front of me. I glanced at him and saw that he'd been crying. His eyes were so worried and sad. His lip quivered as he asked "Are you ok? Do you want me to take you to the hospital?" I just shook my head and whispered "I'll be ok." He then easily pulled me to my feet and began to unbutton my jeans and I grabbed his hand. He looked at me and said "No baby, I'm just going to help you get into bed." I nodded and he walked me over to bed and I sat down. He pulled my jeans and socks off and pulled the blanket back. Then he lifted my legs into bed and covered me up. He walked over and turned out the light then climbed into bed next to me. His fingers gently played with my hair and he began to sing softly in my ear. I was only awake for a few brief moments before sleep over took me and I drifted off.
Over the next week, I stayed in the house a lot. I rarely answered the phone and never answered the door. I slept a lot and cried even more. My body ached and was sore and stiff every time I moved. I had given Diana the old "I'm sick" excuse as to why I couldn't come over to help with the school lessons. I figured she knew I wasn't sick because she had asked me very quietly "Melissa, did something happen between you and Zac?" I had just told her a simple "No." and bit my lip to keep from correcting the lie. I knew I was going to be pulled into another conversation about the situation and why I was still with him when I saw them again but I couldn't talk about it then.
Zac didn't come over and had only called 3 times. He'd ask "Are you feeling better?" and "Are you sure you don't want me to take you to the doctor?" -- that always let me know other people were in the room. He'd apologized over and over and cried, begging me not to leave him, the next morning.
I can't explain it but I could never walk away from him. I could never not forgive him and try to forget. I always stayed and tried not to think about what had happened. The bruises faded and the soreness went away and I'd assume my role in the chaos. At least until it'd happen again. Being with Zac was like being on a never ending roller coaster... you know what the ride is going to do because you've already been over it, but you don't get off. You know about the dark tunnel, the steep hill and the fall down the other side. You know about the sharp turn just after the corkscrew. No matter what, when you see each part ahead of you, you know what will happen next. It becomes predictable. Yet, you also get tired of the same ride and have to get off at some point, the ride has to be stopped... whatever it takes.

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